An Abundance of Strawberries

by Julia Brown

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All songs written by Sam Ray.
“The way you want” was recorded by Sean Mercer at Mobtown Studios in Baltimore, the rest were recorded by Sam Ray in various states & places.
Additional instrumentation -
Caroline White – Vocals on ‘All alone in bed’, ‘Loved’, ‘The body descends’, ‘Possession’, & ‘Closing (on a roof)’. Viola on ‘Loved’, ‘The body descends’, and ‘Closing’. Trumpet & French Horn on ‘The body descends’
Abby Trunfio – Vocals on ‘Abby’s song’ & ‘Closing (on a roof)’ Cello on ‘Closing’.
John Toohey – Drums on ‘All alone in bed’, Vocals on ‘Possession’
Alec Simke – Bass on ‘All alone in bed’
Warren Hildebrand – Vocals on ‘Possession’ and ‘The body descends’.
Francesca Blume – Vocals on ‘The way you want’
Alex Giannascoli wrote & recorded the coda on ‘Possession’
Artwork by Colleen Wynn
Mastered by Warren Hildebrand

I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and the flood sweeps over me.
I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God
More in number than the hairs of my head are those who hate me without cause; mighty are those who would destroy me, those who attack me with lies. What I did not steal must I now restore?
O God, you know my folly; the wrongs I have done are not hidden from you.
Let not those who hope in you be put to shame through me, O Lord God of hosts; let not those who seek you be brought to dishonor through me
For it is for your sake that I have borne reproach, that dishonor has covered my face.
I have become a stranger to my brothers, an alien to my mother’s sons.
For zeal for your house has consumed me.


released January 15, 2016


tags: pop cool Maryland


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Track Name: An Abundance of Strawberries
I don't want to miss you
but I already do
for all I know
it's already in you

every day spent on the couch
Law & Order SVU
it's true, it's TruTV
for all I know it's in me

I know sometimes I can't leave my bed
I know I've sung it again & again
I’ve tried to make a deal with God
it kills me when I can't make you feel loved

she wants to die
by an abundance of strawberries
though we don't talk anymore
that stuck with me all these years apart
and when I want to die
I think about an abundance of strawberries
I will lie down & sleep in strawberries

I know I haven't lived so well
I've tried to own up to it now
I just want to make a deal with God
I just want a better life for my mom
Track Name: Snow Day
snow day 2005
pick me up from school
hold me in your basement
your brother has guns
he showed me them
your brother does drugs
he gave me some
you call me a --- in front of your friends
but you whipped someone with a chain
all cause they hit me
you looked like you loved me
out in the snow
Track Name: All Alone in Bed
are you coming home?
have you been losing weight again?
does your mother know that you’re skin and bones?
does your mother know those things you do
when you’re all alone in bed?
have you heard from him?
did you tell your mom all about him?
would she be alarmed?
what he put in your arm
has no place there
but I don’t really mind
I think about you all the time
does your mother care you cut off your hair?
does your mother care you spent a year
all alone in bed?
Track Name: 25 Days (May15)
this world could have been so many things and so could I
is this resignation right?
don't show my teeth, don't call that phone
a mechanical fantasy come to life
bright pink, again and again
riding his bike in the rain
long coat flowing out behind him
and you sing
‘I think I'll move back to the country’
well you won't, you'll get a job at the mall
and maybe I won't get a job at all
I like to think it could bring me back
if I lie facedown on the couch for long enough
spaced out, pumped full of dilaudid again
I could still feel as much as I like to think I used to feel then
but in truth I never felt that much
and it's just the first twenty five or so spring days of the year
that bring me back there now
and then it's gone
Track Name: Without You (full)
what's the point of the leaves changing colors
if I can't watch them change with you?
you know that I’d do something just as drastic
to spend this fall with you
cause everyday that I spend without you
is just a waste of time
what’s the point of going out for coffee
I don't want to drink it without you?
I'd give up everything I love to lie beside you cause
there's nothing I love close to you
everyday that I spend without you
is just a waste of time
Track Name: Abby's Song
sometimes I feel like a bird
in a scott walker song
I press my head against the wall
but sometimes the house looks like
the way I like
I am an angry meteor
under a black sky
you can feel forgotten
by God
so wake up at night
walk across the lawn
fall into my arms
in my arms
you are an angry meteor
you are coming from far away
Track Name: You Can Always Hear Birds
you can always hear birds
morning or night
the sun setting or rising
I wake up with the red
the fall's across my face
think I'll watch a movie

summer storms are gone
no more blackened skies
water boiling on the stove
when are you coming home?
you could be my monolith
we'll put a little machine
deep inside your chest
& then just like in my dreams
we'll always grow older
but never really die
Track Name: The Way You Want
bless this ugly heart so I can love you like I want
if you don’t want that that’s fine
I can do this all my life
take the things you want so I can feel some way you want
do I feel some way you don’t
I won’t know
I built something good it exists inside my head
just like everything it wont exist outside my dreams

Track Name: Loved
they're building houses now by the road
the old stone church and kids selling coke
the bluest sky I've ever seen
the cemetery filled with burning leaves
I don't want to find
anyone else to waste my time
a flightless bird though not by choice
on the side of the road with both wings cut off
another bird found by the lake
its severed head lying two feet away
death comes to claim
what its loved the most
you know I've loved
this world too much
when death comes to claim
what I've loved the most
you'll know I've loved
this world so much

Track Name: The Body Descends
The body descends, I should have let it
the strongest love I’ve felt in my life
she said 'I was born into this life to suffer
and suffer I will
but if you had to do it all again
without knowing you'd make it through
do you think you'd make it?
no, I don't think I would'
my heart is the leaves
my body the trees
& it's Halloween
Two thousand eight
I'm strung out again
my body descends
& I’m having this dream
every night
a room with a view
a room with some light
a stoic front porch
some mountains outside.
I am what I’m not, my problems are God's
when the body descends, we both sit and watch
& the strongest love I've felt in my life
rises up from the dark
to pull me aside
& across the room
& out in the hall
& outside my house
& out in the yard
Track Name: Possession (full)
I want this love eternal
I don't care for my soul
when the lights go out for good
will you kiss me still
I’d do anything to keep that weight off you
but if it drags me down
will you kiss me still
I’ve been clean since the night we first met
but when I go back to dope
will you kiss me still
I don't want to lie here alone
will you lie beside me now
& kiss me still
all I want in life is to wilt in your love
when it all turns into dust
will you kiss me still
if no more beauty comes until the day I'm dead
will it have all been enough
will you still feel loved?
Track Name: Closing (on a roof)
on a roof, wind blows through me
and the moon is a cruel reminder
that we both tried
to find something inside
that we thought had died
fear divides you & I
we both hide from what we feel inside
in your room, I fall through you
you know I tried to find something inside
that could make this alright
on the way to your house I see a light
pulling me back up into the sky
Track Name: Bloom
I guess this is heaven, I hope it's just like the song
at a book fair in fall, alone in a church parking lot
it's not art it's something much smaller than that
then I felt its bloom, different shades of blue
the static swelled in me right, I closed my eyes and wanted to cry
it's not art it's something much softer than that
it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever felt and probably ever seen